Evangelion - Re
by nerd1659
Summary: Shinji Ikari is just another boy. Except that he's also a cutter. That may just change soon enough once he meets someone. ShinjixRei Angst. Lots of Angst!
1. Chapter 1

Taking a deep breathe, I look at my reflection. All I see is a piece of trash. I reach into my pocket and grab my tool, a old rusty boxcutter. I extend my left arm and see a collection of slices along my forearm. I place the boxcutter against my wrist and, slowly, slide it across my skin. I grin as I see the blood flow out of the gash and drip down to the floor. I let loose a sigh as I grab a towel to clean up the blood. As I wipe up the floor I end up accidentally getting some of the crimson liquid on my shirt. "Shit.", I say as I mop it up with the towel. After I remove the towel all I see is a faint red stain. 'If anyone ask I'll just say it's from lunch.', I think as I toss the bloodstained linen in the garbage. I grab my jacket from beside the mirror and slide it on. I fix the sleeves as I turn to leave the room. Standing in the doorway was my roomate.

**Three Days Ago**

I stand in the kitchen in front of the stove, getting ready to prepare dinner for my two roomates and me. "What's cooking?", I hear a familiar voice ask. "Nothing yet." I say as I turn around to see Misato Katsuragi. She was my guardian, and also my boss. She walks past me and opens the refrigerator. She takes out a beer and drains it in seconds. She pulls out another one and pops it open. "Take it easy on those beers.", I tell her as I open the cabnet and look inside. I take out the contents trying to figure out what I wanted to cook. I wince as I hit my right wrist against the cabnet door. I then say, "I don't really feel like cooking tonight Misato. Just heat up some leftovers or something." She then looks at me, seemingly worried, and asks, "Are you alright?" "I feel fine.", I say as I turn away and walk to my bedroom door. I hear Misato say, "Alright then, where did I put my beer?" I think aloud, "Why made me think that she gave a damn? All she cares for is her fucking beer!"

Misato looks at me and asks, "What did you just say Shinji?" I shake my head and tell her, "I didn't say a word." I open the door to my bedroom and slip inside. I silently shut the door and said, "That was a close one. She almost heard me." I sit down beside my futon and reach underneath it. I pull out my most prized possession, an old rusty boxcutter. I peel of my shirt and undo the sleeves I made from an old shirt. They were black and covered up to a little below my shoulders. I glance at the collection of cuts covering a majority of my skin. I place the blade against the crook of my elbow and bring it down my arm, slicing deep into my arm. I grin as the blood gushes from the incision. I place the tool into my pocket and watch myself bleed. I then pull on the sleeves to cover myself. I sit on my futon and think about my situation.

I wonder, 'Why do I do this? How does it help me at all? All it does is hurt me. But that helps me. I lets me retain my ability to feel. To know somthing asides from hate.' I lay down and stare at the ceiling. I sigh as I hear my other roomate arguing with Misato. The door to my room opens. I get a glance at Asuka Sohryu, the pilot of Evangelion Unit 02. She was also the source of my pain. She glares at me and tells me, "What the fuck are you doing? Get the fuck off your ass and make dinner!" I just roll over and tell her, "Not tonight Asuka. I just want to sleep." She walks over to me and towers above me. She then stomps on my face, busting my nose. I yelp in pain as I roll away from her raised foot, fearing another smash.

I then ask, "What was that for?" Asuka glares at me before crossing her arms and tells me, "Are you awake? Then go fix dinner." I shake my head as I say, "You can fix yourself something. Just for tonight. Now get **out**." I was sure to put extra emphasis on the word out, trying not to get pissed off. Asuka then asks, "What's the matter? Are you getting angry? Are you thinking about how you are nothing but a failure? Didn't you know that everyone would be better off if you died?" I shake my head as I say, "No Asuka. I'm just thinking of how much of a bitch you are!" She then steps forwards and punches me in the face. All of a sudden I feel something deep within myself snap. I pull my lips back into a snarl and scream, "Leave me **alone**! Stop acting like you're so high and mighty! You are no better than me!"

Asuka balls up her fist and shouts, "What makes you think you're better than me! All you are is a piece of trash! The only reason you are even here is the fact that your last name is Ikari!" "You don't have to worry about that anymore!", I scream as I walk to the door. I walk into the living room to see Misato was shooting a dark look at me as I walked past her. "I'm leaving.", I say as I reach the door. Misato stands up and asks, "What makes you think that?" I look over my shoulder at her and say, "I know when I'm not wanted. Asuka's a pain and you're a drunk." She flinches away from me as I close the door.

My walk to the building's doorway was deathly silent. When I reach the exit I push it open and walk into the street. I look over my shoulder and stare at the building. I feel a sense of relief that I was leaving my pain and also confusion over what to do next. Someone bumps into me and says, "Move it kid." I fall to the ground as the stranger walks past me. I groan as I get to my knees and walk off. I think to myself, '_I should have at least grabbed a shirt. That way I wouldn't have stood out so much._' I walk through the streets before coming to a payphone. I walk up to it and pick up the phone. I stare at the phone in my hand. I reach in my pocket and pull out all the money I had on me, which was enough to pay for one call.

I put my money in the machine and dial a number I hadn't dialed in years. I hear the dial tone play before a female voice says, "The number you are trying to dial is not avaliable at the time. Please try again later." I curse under my breath at the owner of the phone I had just tried to call. I walk away from the payphone and try to figure out where I was going to go. I scratch my head as I stride off in a random direction. After a while I realize I was in the outskirts of Tokyo-3. I look around trying to figure out what direction to go. I then hear a all too familiar voice ask, "What are you doing?" I turn around to see Ayanami Rei, the pilot of Evangelion Unit 00. She also was the object of my affections.

I feel my face heat up as she stand there. She stares at me before she ask me, "Ikari-kun, what are you doing?" "Nothing Ayanami. Just trying to find a place to stay.", I say as I look at her, wishing for the impossible. She then asks, "What do you mean?" "I wasn't wanted at my old residence.", I tell her as I turn and start to walk away. I only get three paces before I feel her grab my right hand. I feel my hear skip a couple of beats. Ayanami then spins me to face her. She then tells me, "You can stay with me." I feel as if all the air had been take out of my body as I struggle to give her a answer. I eventually manage to say, "If it's alright with you."

Ayanami nods and leads me off, still holding my hand. As we work our way to her apartment I feel lighthead. I then notice her grasp on me tighten as she leads me to an run down building. When we reach her door, Ayanami opens it and drags me inside. I shut the door behind us and look around her living room. There was piles of garbage and laundary scattered all along the room. I can't believe Ayanami can live like this. Ayanami then says, "Here's a cover you can use." She then hands me a small blanket that has most definitely seen better days. She then says, "You can sleep on the couch Ikari-kun." I smile and say, "Thank you Ayanami for everything you've done." I see a rare smile from Ayanami as she says, "You're welcome." I hear her yawn and I tell her, "You should probably get some rest." She nods and says, "Good night."

I make my way to the couch, being carefull to avoid the piles of rubbish. I lay on the couch and look at the ceiling. 'I'm here again.', I think as I remembered what happened last time I was here. I had been bringing Ayanami her Nerv ID card. He ended up walking in on her while she was naked. "Don't want a repeat of that.", I remark as I close my eyes. I yawn loudly as I roll over. I groan as I feel a sharp pain in my leg. I lift up my blanket and reach into my pocket and pull out my boxcutter.I had forgotten that I had that there. I bring it forwards and look at the blade. The blood from earlier had dried. I undo my sleeve on my left arm. I put the boxcutter against my wrist and pull it backwards as hard as I can. I watch my blood bubble and trickle down my arm. I redo the sleeve and put my tool back in my pocet. I lay my head on the couch and eventually fall into an uneasy sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I am **not **Gainax. I do **not** own Evangelion. (Forgot to put this in Chapter 1.)

**AN: Here we go Chapter 2 is up. If you're reading this, you are a Brave Soul. See you at the bottom.**

I run away from the figure in the door. She follows me screaming at me. I couldn't distinguish her words however because I was panicking. I could pick out a few words however. "Unwanted. Disgrace. Bastard.", were all I could hear as I attempted to flee. I tried the door which was jammed. I turned around and seen my pursuer had cornered me. I also had noticed the bicycle chain in her hand. She held it up and I put my arms in front of my face. She brought it down and I closed my eyes.

"No!", I screamed as I sat up. I was panting hard and was covered in sweat. I rubbed my eyes and kept breathing. I shook my head and gathered my thoughts. After looking around frantically I realized I was in Ayanami's apartment. I stood up and the ratty blanket fell to the ground. I walk into the bathroom and turned on the faucet to full blast. I cup my hands and bring them under the flowing water. I lean down and splash the cool liquid on my sweaty face. After a few moments of this I look at my reflection. I noticed how exhausted I looked. Like I hadn't had a good nights sleep in years, not that I have. I crank off the water and grab a towel off of the floor. I proceed to wipe down my face and neck. I toss the towel back on the floor and walked back into the living room.

I yawn as I sit back on the couch. I lean back and close my eyes. I could feel my breathing begin to slow and my heartbeat go back to a semblance of normal. After a moment of this I see my torturer's face again. I jolt awake and shake my head trying to clear my thoughts. I subconsciously rub my left leg, remembering old wounds. I take a quick look at the clock which reads 7:53. I reach down and pick up some of the trash off of the floor. I go back into the kitchen and rummage about for a bit. I return to the living room with a package of contractor bags. I start to gather the garbage and put it in the bag. It helps takes my mind off of my most recent nightmare. I tie up the garbage bag and put it by the door.

I then begin to pick up all of Ayanami's dirty laundry. I pile it into another bag and place it by the couch. It doesn't even take my but thirty seven minutes to get all of the trash and clothes in the apartment, except for Ayanami's room, gathered up and bagged. I look through her cabnets trying to find something to fix. All I come up with was some instant ramen. I shake my head and wash my hands. I start to make the ramen for us to eat. '_I never thought I would be in this situation._', I mutter to myself as I hear a beeping sound, indicating the food was done. I place it on the table and sit down. I was about to start eating when I hear footsteps. I turn around to see Ayanami was standing in the doorway.

I stared at Ayanami as she stood in the door. I then told her, "I made some food." She walks up to the table and sits across from me. I push a cup of ramen in front of her. I turn my attention to my own food and pick at it, not even hungry in the first place. I continue to play with my food before I hear Ayanami say something I couldn't understand. I look up to see her eating her food. I then ask her, "What did you just say?" She doesn't even look at me as she eats her ramen. I look down and place my food on the table. I stand up and walk into the living room. I lean on the wall and lean my head back. I close my eyes and feel lightheaded as I shake my left leg, attempting to stop the phantom pains. I grit my teeth as I remember **that** night. I shuddered in terror from the memory. I take deep breathes in an attempt to calm myself. Suddenly I feel something hit my face. I scream in horror as I fall over.

I crash to the floor and whack my head on the wall. I bring my hand to my face and pull off the object. It was a simple black shirt. I pant as I try to soothe my nerves. I hear Ayanami ask me, "What's the matter Ikari-kun?" I then tell her, "It was nothing." I see her dip her head as she tells me, "You can wear that." I pull the shirt over my head and fit my arms through. I was suprised because the shirt was my size. I groan as I drag myself off the floor. I place my hand on the back on my head and look at it. There were crimson spots on my fingertips. I wipe them on my pants and walk up to the door.

I grab one of the bags of garbage and open the door. I bring it outside and look around, trying to find a place to toss it. I see a dumpster across the street. I throw it in and go back for the other sack. I haul it out and walk back into Ayanami's apartment. I see her watching my every move, like she doesn't trust me. I feel horrible because nobody takes me seriously or even cares for what I do. I walk into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I make sure to lock it before I unbuckle my pants. I pull down the waistband to see a collection of jagged scars above my left knee. I run my fingertips lightly against them. I shake my head as I pull up and rebuckle my pants. I reach into my pocket and gently grasp my boxcutter. I pull it out and undo the right sleeve. I place the cold metal against my warm skin on my wrist. I pull back and feel the blade rip through my delicate flesh. I watch the blood start to flow into small red waterfalls down my arm. I turn on the sink and run water over my arm to wash off the blood. I slide my sleeve back on and replace the boxcuter back in my pocket. I flush the toilet as I walk out.

I walk into the living room and grab the bag of Ayanami's laundry. I drag it into the hallway and guide it onto the street. I walk across the street into a laundromat I seen while taking the trash out. I put the clothes in a washer and crank it on. I sit down in front of the building while I wait for the clothes to finish. I look around to notice next to nobody was here. The place was practically deserted. The only other person there was a boy my age. The first thing about him I noticed was his sandy colored hair. He was wearing a orange shirt and blue jean shorts. He looks up and meets my eyes. He stands up and walks up to me. He stands in front of me and sticks out his hand. "Hey there Shin. What you doing here?" I reach out and shake his hand while I say, "Nothing really Marcus." He sits beside me and asks me, "Where are you staying?" I shake my head and tell him, "I can't disclose this information."

Marcus just makes an '_Ahh._' sound as he remarks, "That's not a suprise. People aren't really trusting nowadays." I can't help but wonder, '_What's his deal?_' He then says, "So Shin, care to tell me what you're doing here?" I get annoyed by his question as I tell him, "I'm washing my clothes you dumbass." Marcus goes '_Ahh_.' again and tells me, "I kinda guessed that but I had to check." I hear my clothes ding and I stand up to go get them. I put them in a dryer and turn it on. I walk back over to Marcus and sit down. I see him pull out a cigarette and light it. He must have noticed me staring at him because he offers me one. I shake my head and he goes, "Are you sure about that? They'll help take your mind off of alot of things." Marcus puts them in front of my face and shake them. I put my finger atop the package and push it away from my face. I ask him, "Are you drunk?" He tells me, "Just a little." I put my hands against my face and rub my eyes.

"Why did you call?", he asks me. I lick my lips as I tell him, "I didn't have a place to go. Now I do though." Marcus nods and stands up and staggers across the place. He smiles at me and says, "See you around here soon Shin." "Stop that! My name is Shin**ji**!", I yell while I put extra emphasis on the -ji in my name. He stumbles off in his own little world. I sit down again and think about what all Marcus had done for me. I hear the dryer go off and I gather up Ayanami's clothes. I put them back in the sack and bring them back to Ayanami's apartment. I open the door and drag the contractor bag inside and put it on the couch. I look around for Ayanami but I don't find her. I shrug and I walk into the kitchen and start washing dishes. While I rinsed the dishes in the warm soapy water I make a list of what all to clean.

After I finished washing, drying, and putting up the dishes I started to clean the living room. I scrub some stains off the couch and start to arrange everything in the places I believed they went. I found a pair of glasses that had a crack on one of the lenses laying on the ground. I put them on the shelf and continue to clean the room. When I finished I glanced at the clock. It had read that it was 6:27. I wonder where Ayanami was at this time and grab the blanket I used last night. I wrap myself up in it and collapse on the couch, exhausted after my cleaning. I close my eyes and fall into an uneasy sleep.

**AN: There we go. I have set the scene for next chapter. It will be set a day before chapter one. I will get to the actual story after that. Updates might be erratic because I have so many stories floating around in my mind. Some of which I may or may not have posted. Read and review Brave Souls.**

**Before I go I must thank Seeking Professional Help for alot. Thanks for everything and goodbye.**


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